‘LoveYourLife’ Coach, Yoga Teacher
and Retreat Facilitator

Precise Formula for handling a trigger (controversial do’s and don’t’s)

After years practicing emotional mastery and assisting clients in their emotional freedom, this is what I’ve discovered are the most effective way to respond to being triggered if you’re interested in evolution, kindness, authenticity, transformation, connection, and truth.

An Emotional Trigger in this context: Someone says or does something that triggers you into an experience of judgment, frustration, hurt, lack of safety, and a wave of emotions. (Another context would be you emotionally trigger yourself without external input).

When Emotionally Triggered

Do Not:

  • Try to figure out/understand it while triggered. When you are in an emotional state you are reacting from your fears and insecurities which creates judgments and projections compromising your capacity to think clearly and understand the situation in that specific moment.

  • Try to communicate while triggered with person involved beyond “I care about you, I need space/a hug.” Your default response is likely to want to have immediate emotional relief and culturally we think talking about it in the moment would create that. The majority of the time we speak from our judgments, fears, and insecurities – saying hurtful things that aren’t deeply true, which can result in needing to process/heal the situation with someone and likely downward shame-spirals. If you are deeply connected to your true needs in that moment speak them with compassion and kindness and clarity. In particular if you need space to process the trigger, it is wise to you tell the other person you care about them before leaving (if you are able to).

  • Think of All the things possible that is wrong with you/life besides the trigger. When we experience uncomfortable emotions our mind really wants to understand it by making up stories that are likely completely irrelevant. Be very careful about the mind’s capacity to think of everything else possible that you could perceive as going wrong and powerfully and unnecessarily exacerbate and prolong the experience.

  • Make any decisions. When we make decisions from a triggered space they are irrational, fear-based, confused, and with the agenda of wanting immediate relief. 95% of the time we will change our mind when we’ve calmed down.

  • Make up stories/reasons about the trigger. When we make up a story about the trigger, then we retell ourselves the story over and over….and create more emotions to be felt and released. Often times the story will also involve judgment/projection onto others they don’t deserve which creates confusion and disconnection.

  • Suppress the emotion into your body. When we suppress emotions into our body by denying them, it creates tension, disease, and increases the frequency and intensity of emotional reactions. Suppression comes from having ‘rules’ as to what we should or shouldn’t feel….and how we should or shouldn’t express emotions.

Emma Clare Juniper Oak Creek

Do:

  • Surrender and trust it will pass. Emotions are coming and going in each moment and can switch in one second! This too shall pass….Be the Sky, not the Weather. Don’t identify with the emotion, be curious about it and observe it and deeply feel it.

  • Deeply Feel and Move the energy/emotion in your own space/nature by singing, dancing, yelling, throwing things, being in nature, a shower, crying, going on a run, etc. Whatever clears energy for you. Once the energy has been cleared/released without stories perpetuating the emotional state, then the clarity will naturally come.

  • Self-soothe with ‘I am safe’ Or other relevant mantra. If you are able to receive support in your clearing and conscious redirecting/creating of the experience you desire Beautiful! Either way, self-soothing with a mantra or affirmation gets the voices in your head out of projection/judgment and fears and stories.

  • Take extra good care of yourself, drink lots of water. Be kind with yourself to allow appropriate integration of the experience.

  • Share your understandings/needs/boundaries/requests when in a clear space. Once you’ve deeply felt and cleared the emotion and have aligned with your clarity, communicate with those who triggered you, and others present if inspired. Take responsibility for your part in the trigger and ask specifically with conscious communication your request, if any, that the person do or say something differently.

Summary:
When you clear the energy and take care of yourself first, the insights, wisdom, breakthroughs, understandings, and lessons within the trigger come naturally as you’re in a clear centered state of being – then you can address what needs to happen.

When we try to ‘figure it out’ in an emotional space we perpetuate the emotions and it can be very confusing to understand what’s really going on.

If it’s a fight-flight-freeze ptsd-kind of trigger, I invite you to do the 4-steps/exercise in this video to start to assist in clearing the trauma from your system: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaGbxc9Lgw8

Trust Me. I Envision Your Emotional Mastery!

Why do I say it’s controversial? Because of the multiple comments on my fb post from people triggered by the post…who immediately proceeded to do exactly what my post said not to do: Communicate with fear, judgment, and projections towards me without knowing me at all 🙂

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